[Original post: Freshmen, welcome to Jiangcheng University of Aeronautics, a nationally renowned university. Over the next four years, you will experience a vibrant campus life. There have been enough posts about dormitories and campus life, so I won’t dwell on them here. I’ll just address one crucial issue: food. 

I’m sure every freshman has dreamed of the school cafeteria, wondering how delicious, hygienic, and affordable the food would be. But as it turns out, you’re just overthinking it. If you enrolled at Jiangcheng University of Aeronautics solely for the cafeteria, I urge you now: Don’t look back! Run!

There are currently 7 cafeterias at Aero U, but the more knowledgeable students don’t refer to them by their numbers; instead, we affectionately call them the Seven Bewitched Cafeterias of Aero U. These 7 cafeterias are notoriously bad, renowned throughout the university town. Back then, some enterprising students at our school even started a business, entrusting students from our neighbor, Jiangcheng University, to buy food from their cafeteria and deliver it to our school. Within ten minutes, all WeChat groups were full with orders. With this, you can imagine the students’ resentment towards the cafeterias.

The renowned achievements of Cafeterias 1, 2, 3, and 4 include, but are not limited to, steamed eggs with ants, mooncakes with stir-fried tomatoes, and soy sauce-braised honey peaches. They offer anything you can imagine and even some things you can’t. You won’t find even a single ordinary home-cooked dish here. Furthermore, even the taste of these dark cuisine vary, depending on the chefs’ mood for that day. If you order food there on Monday, you’ll be surprised to discover that even these cursed dishes can be elevated.

The remaining Cafeterias 5, 6, and 7 don’t serve such cursed cuisine, but they’re just as terrifying as the aforementioned ones, as they’ll trick you into coming in and then kill you! These cafeterias serve ordinary, home-cooked meals, but it often makes you wonder if they’re short on oil and salt. One meal there will make you wonder if you’re back in the 1970s, experiencing the hardships of life for the toiling masses, instantly bringing back memories of the bitter past and cherishing the sweet future.

Under constant siege from the Bewitched Cafeterias of Aero U, us seniors have had no choice but to devise numerous survival strategies. If you’re short on cash, you can head to the snack street and try some food stalls. While the food there isn’t particularly delicious, it’s definitely not bad, and it’s enough to fuel you in your studies. If you have more money, you can try the restaurants near campus. Aero U is located in the heart of the city, surrounded by many famous restaurants, such as Sea View Tower and Alpha Western Restaurant…]   

This post was originally a useful resource article posted by a student, and many people responded quickly.

[What! Let me see which university’s cafeteria is being attacked. Oh, it turned out to be our university’s cafeteria. That’s okay then.]

[As someone who has experienced this, I say that the original poster’s words are truly heart-wrenching, and every drop of our tears was made of blood. He is our spiritual leader.]

[I’m a sophomore this year. I didn’t know this last year, and you have no idea how utterly bewitching my life has been wuwuwuwu. I suggest you add this to the featured posts and pin it to the top!]

Because this post was so popular and its content was so valuable, the administrators even added it to the ‘Featured Post’ list and manually pinned it to the top. Anyone who clicked on the forum homepage could see it. Many freshmen this year left comments below.

[Is it really that bad? You’re not kidding me, are you?]

[He’s lying to you. As a senior, I can tell you responsibly that what the poster said is false.]

[That’s right, I’m a junior, and I’m telling you, the food in the cafeteria isn’t as bad as the poster said. You’re definitely going to like it.]

After a while, the freshman came back and posted, [Help! My eyeglasses are too high¹. I went to the First Cafeteria and ordered a red-braised carp. I thought it wasn’t that weird. But it turned out not to be red-braised carp, but carp with tomatoes and red dates! Yuck! Do you people have hearts??]

The Aeronautics University has both thoughtful people like the OP who made helpful guides, and other black-hearted seniors who love to toy with freshmen.

The replies below the freshman’s post were all hehehehehe.

[Without the hardships of the cafeteria, how can you become a bonafide student of Aero U? Congratulations on passing the baptism and officially becoming a student of Aero U!]

But, of course, the replies were always there, and other freshmen who were lurking could see them, so they would not be easily fooled again.

Because of this, on the first day the freshmen students arrived, 60% of them chose to leave the campus grounds with their parents and go to the nearby snack street for their meal. The remaining students had been warned by their classmates not to go anywhere near the cafeteria. As a result, the cafeterias in Aeronautical University were not as crowded as in other schools.

… … translated by Maela @ whitemoonlighttranslations.com

After walking around, Luo Huai’an was very dissatisfied. Although the customers in the other cafeterias were not as numerous as those in other schools, the students base in Aeronautical University was actually very large, and some people even had special tastes, so each cafeteria still had a certain flow of people. 

This was very unlike the Eighth Cafeteria which had zero traffic!

Luo Huai’an thought about it and thought that the Eighth Canteen has been closed for a long time, and perhaps no one knew that it was already open.

Luo Huai’an then took out her mobile phone, registered a new account for herself and replied to the post.

She began to advertise herself in the tones of a freshman student: [Why does this post only mention cafeterias 1 through 7? The school obviously has an Eighth Cafeteria right? And when I walked passed it just now, I noticed that it was open.]

Many freshmen in the post expressed their curiosity about the Eighth Cafeteria.

[Yeah, why do you only talk about the first seven cafeterias and never mention the Eighth Cafeteria? Is the food in the Eighth Cafeteria as bad as the other places?]

After a while, a knowledgeable senior finally replied, [Forget it, eating in the first seven cafeterias only costs money, but eating in the Eighth Cafeteria may cost you your life!]

Luo Huai’an: “???”

Mythical Beast Cafeteria translated by Maela @ whitemoonlighttranslations.com

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If you’re enjoying my translations, do consider buying me ko-fi and get access to advance chapters as reward. Thank you for your support! ☺️
Chapter 6.2 — Alas, I Don’t Have the Knowledge
Chapter 6.3 — Alas, I Don’t Have the Knowledge
Chapter 7 — Why Are So Many People Coming to the Eighth Cafeteria?
Chapter 8.1 — How Does The Boss Have So Many Connections?
Chapter 8.2 — How Does The Boss Have So Many Connections?
Chapter 8.3 — How Does The Boss Have So Many Connections?
Chapter 9.1 — Seduce The New Students
Chapter 9.2 — Seduce The New Students
Chapter 10 — The Only New Variable Is The Eighth Cafeteria
Chapter 11 — Eat In Front Of The Freshmen During Military Training

FOOTNOTE: 

1. To put one’s eyes on top of one’s head. Idiom. To regard everyone as beneath one’s notice. In this case, the freshman disregarded the senior’s advice and thought he knew better, so he said his eyeglasses were too high. ↩︎